when honesty is quietly labeled as incapacity
For a long time, I watched other people share so much of themselves through their businesses, while I stayed quiet behind the scenes. And from that place, it was easy to judge. Especially one thing I swore I’d never do: talking about struggles only once they’re safely in the past.
I first noticed this when I’d been following someone for years, and they suddenly shared that their year had been the hardest of their life. I was there that whole year. And through my eyes, everything looked… great. Of course, people share maybe 10% of what’s really happening — and we assume the other 90% is just as shiny.
The pattern became hard to ignore: in the business world, struggles are usually shared only once they’re wrapped up and well taken care of.
Then, one day, a business coach I admired shared that they’d been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and were in a very dark place.
They later expressed frustration that clients stopped booking sessions to “give them space.” And while I admired their honesty deeply, I also felt ashamed to realise I understood their clients. I probably would’ve done the same.
How unfair is that? We ask for honesty and vulnerability, and when it shows up, we quietly label it as incapacity.
Now that I want to share more, I’m facing the very thing I once judged. I’m scared to be transparent in the present. Scared of being seen as incapable. So I notice myself sharing things only once I can tie a neat bow around them.
There’s a fine line here. Sharing before we understand ourselves can easily cross our own boundaries. Most of the time, clarity only comes after something has passed.
I still value honest, present sharing. But I’m learning how much that can ask of someone — sometimes too much.
With this message, I'm extending a lot of compassion to everyone who writes, records, creates, and keeps showing up.
It’s a constant juggle — and truly, hats off to you.
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